I still remember the time I was about 100kg. I was 19, just finished with my A-levels. I was doing 4 meals a day, breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. Late night mamaks at 2am was common for me as I devoured maggi gorengs and nasi lemaks. I didn’t really exercise much, as I quit playing badminton after secondary school.

When I finally looked at myself in the mirror one day, I had double chins and my face was round as a basketball. A short walk made me sweat like crazy and I was shortly out of breath. This continued until I was in university and all the way into my working career.

In my first 2 years working, it got worse. I was constantly working late nights and stressed. And you know how that goes. Stress-eating was common as I ate a lot to relieve some of my anxiety and stress. By the time I was back home, I just lied in bed and slept straight. It was a dark period in my life.

You know what was the final straw that broke the camel’s back? Me, having a panic attachkin the toilet of my working place. I was sick and tired of it. In the next coming months, I went to therapy and finally jogged – and I hated jogging. It started with about only 15 minutes of light jogging. And from there, I walked up and down the stairs for about 30 minutes, listening to podcast.

What went from just 15 minutes, turned into about twice a day of exercise of 30 minutes each currently. I do cardio for about 30 minutes during lunch time, and weights for about 30 minutes after work. I am going to tell you this, results didn’t happen overnight. They never do. I consistently did it for close to 4 years, slowly increasing the time I exercised every week. Some days were good, some days were not. When the days were not, I rested but did some light exercise even for just 10 minutes.

Eventually, I had more energy throughout the day. What was the most important thing was that I forced myself to not work and exercised instead. I left work on time and didn’t care on most days. That freed up my mental capacity and space to exercise and did wonders for my mental health.

In 4 years, I have lost about 18 kilograms to about 84 kilograms currently. There were times I lost 2 kilogram a month and gained back 3 kilograms the next. That’s normal. It’s part of the process. My lowest weight was 78 kilograms but that was not sustainable. I was malnourished and lacked of energy at times. While I am heavier now, I started to do more weights especially for my upper body.

I never felt healthier in my life before, either physically or mentally. The best thing I did was commit to doing it everyday and let go of my working commitments to focus on my health instead. Things improved. They are not the best but it will do for now.

Conclusion

I think what struck me the most when I focused on my health instead was this. No matter how hard I worked at work, I always felt like it was not good enough. What finally helped me break the cycle was the commitment to just focus on my health, family and friends.

When I finally did it, my anxiety and panic attacks went down significantly. My mood was much better when I worked out a sweat and I could handle whatever that come my way a bit better. Exercising to me, was a sanctuary from the troubles and stresses of work and until today, it felt like a God-sent. The only time I felt off was when I injured my leg quite severely and I really felt the anxiety and depression crept in the more I didn’t exercise.