“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” This is a question that I always find myself over-explaining to recruiters and managers. “An accomplished economist with skillsets in so and so” is normally what I reply.

Do you know why I hate this question and answer? I am just answering it for the sake of ‘explaining’ to myself and other people that I have career plans.

I felt like I needed to justify to others that I have things under control, and everything is going well so that people don’t question me.

After reading Tim Denning’s article on this, I realized that it was just an ‘alibi’ for myself. I was continuing on my corporate job so that I can explain to other people that I have a ‘career’.

How misguided my actions and thoughts were. I was doing things so that I can explain to myself and others that I was fine. I did not do it for myself.

There is a big difference here and I finally realise that.

The realization shed more light on my anxiety and panic attacks. I was afraid of how will I be perceived in other people’s eyes. So, I engage in obsessive people-pleasing which makes it even worse.

I am now slowly changing how I think about things. To be honest, I don’t want a career. I don’t want to be slave myself at corporate, being told what to do, how to do it, and getting approval for every change in word in a document.

For 3 years I have hesitated in starting my own writing company. No more. Nothing in life is certain. Stability and career are overrated.

Billy Beane put it nicely, “It’s a problem you think we need to explain ourselves. Don’t, to anyone. I am gonna see thing through for better or worse”.

That’s right, I am going to see this thing through for better or worse.