Today, there is a particular topic that many self-made entrepreneurs peddle in their biographies and life experiences I would like to talk about – the topic of failing.

However, this will be from the perspective of someone who is not a multi-billionaire but rather just a regular person on the street.

By regular, I mean regular. I don’t come from poverty nor riches beyond imagination. They are everyday struggles that I and many of my peers have and are going through. Sometimes, we come out on top and sometimes, we don’t. But we keep trying.

If you are having a bad time and feeling in the dumps, maybe this article could help you get some perspectives in life. God knows, we just need something to remind us that life is a marathon and we keep running no matter how small the steps are.

#1 It sucks to fail, but wake up tomorrow and do it again

Today, after 31 years of my life. I still cry. I cry because of my inability to do things and I get cold feet and nerves. I cry because I fail at things that I thought I could do better.

Let me tell you. It sucks. There’s no other way to say it. But it sucks less the more you do it. If you are afraid of that feeling, I do too. It’s not unique to anyone, everyone feels the same way regardless.

I am not asking you to embrace that sucky feeling. I don’t embrace it. But I have learned to accept it as part of my own. There’s a difference here.

I know many self-help gurus and millionaires say you must embrace failure to succeed but it almost sounds like you are actively looking for failures. No one sets out to fail. We set out to succeed. Failure is just part of the process and we accept that it will happen.

#2 Ego keeps us from trying, but it also allows you to feel frustrated to improve

Some say ego is a bad thing. That’s what I thought too as I started working. I knew I had an ego. I was young, and I clashed with a lot of managers who I thought were not leading well.

When I got chided for trying new things, I retreated. My ego was there and I told myself I am not going to try if it was going to end up as failures and I am going to get chided and criticised for them.

Looking back, I was just afraid of being shamed publicly by people (it happened quite frequently even in my last job). It kept me from trying other things and just taking risks.

However, I got so frustrated about my lack of courage that I decided to defy other people’s shaming and criticism and went for it. Predictably, I got the same treatment but I kept moving forward.

I tried every day to improve things bit by bit. It was 2 steps forward, one steps back. I did things that my managers thought were stupid. I butted heads with them, and after a while, I couldn’t care less.

One of them even threatened to pull my promotion chances if I continued. It bothered me for a while, but I pressed forward. If I don’t get promoted, so be it. I couldn’t bear to see my colleagues lingering on in such conditions anyway which brings us to the next point.

#3 Feeling frustrated and trying again and again, rubs off

Growing up, having a father figure is important. I would say I inherited most of my working ethic from my father who was a workaholic. After all, when he owned his own business and made it profitable, he had much more time on his hand and he spent them with his children.

The number of times I saw him frustrated is uncountable but he kept trying the next day … and the day after. Though sometimes, he might push himself so hard that he burns out big time, and that happened quite frequently. I have that habit too.

I realized the more I worked, the higher the need to keep trying new and risky things. And also, the more times I will get shut down or chided. As I mentioned in the previous point, the ego doesn’t like that the self is being criticized and labelled a failure.

Ego keeps us from trying but it also allowed us to feel frustrated for everyone else on the team. I took up the courage to address them because I couldn’t bear seeing my colleagues suffer through them.

My ex-colleagues now took up that mantle too in addressing these problems because they are frustrated about the state of things. I am very proud of them.

#4 Humility is not humility without the shame that comes with it

We have all heard it. Being humble is important. It grounds your expectations and ego. It ground YOU. But what no one talks about is the shame that comes first.

Being humble for the sake of being humble is betraying the essence of it. For me, humility came when I experienced shame. The shame of failing so hard that you want to hide yourself in the pillow and cry.

But that’s where it comes from. True humility. It’s not the only place true humility comes from. But for me, that is where I think it came from. I don’t say I am humble, but I have gotten less egoistic.

It is through shame that one gets perspective on how big the world is, and how sometimes we are insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

For every high mountain, there is another that is higher. This is not to say to demean yourself ( I am a victim of this in demeaning myself ) but to go try and fail and be humbled whether through shame or any other emotions.

I have had friends who can see positive things come out of unfavourable situations instantly. I try to do that but I know I am not them. It takes time for me to do that. The instant feeling I get is shame but I have learned how to use it to motivate myself to get going and take that next step forward.

Conclusion

It sucks to fail. And when the setbacks happened. It feels like you have done nothing. Trust me, I have been there and I am still there.

There is no easy way to ‘talk’ or ‘motivate’ yourself out of it to be honest. I experienced it again and again. But every time I did, it gets slightly easier to get a perspective.

‘I have done this before’, and ‘Let’s go again’ are normally what I tell myself most of the time and it gets easier to convince myself the more I tried and failed.

For those struggling out there, know that you are not alone. I am there too. If you don’t think anyone else is experiencing it, I am experiencing it.

Keep trying and taking those risks. I am doing it too. If you need encouragement to continue taking that step forward, know that I at least am doing it.