The harrowing depths, beneath,
Steps to the edge, looking down,
Strong gusts of wind, bloweth,
Frozen in spot, but forward,
We must.

I remembered that time I applied for a position on myPF as a writer during the pandemic. I quit my dream job and pursued a Masters. Trapped at home with nowhere to go, I felt suffocated but also not daring enough to do something new.

My girlfriend then (now wife) sent me a job position for myPF for a writer position as I have mentioned that I wanted to write on a freelance basis. But I get the feeling that she called my bluff as I didn’t seem like I was making any effort to.

Something possessed me to apply on that one night. Looking back, I realized how tough it was to try something new and outside of your comfort zone. If you feel the same, here’s how I reflected on it and what I did to overcome that feeling to take those first steps.

Fear of Failure Came from Ego

Ego is such a double-edged sword. On one hand, it has helped me to take on huge problems and challenges (within my comfort zone) but it also exacerbated my anxiety and panic attacks.

And with that, I feared failure even more. What if I try and fail? Won’t it all come to a waste? Won’t it just mean that I am not good? All those thoughts were pervasive.

My ego was so big that I thought to myself that I didn’t need to try new things. Everything within my comfort zone is my domain so I don’t need to bother with other things.

What a mistake that was. The ego eventually led to an intense fear of failure I would actively explain away my failures to things outside. I didn’t take responsibility for myself.

Taking the First Step Brings Out All Our Insecurities

That’s what I constantly felt when I tried something new. I was not only afraid of failure but also of all my insecurities that came out. There’s just an overwhelming sense of ‘impostor syndrome’ whenever I step out of my comfort zone.

I still remember I played basketball in the United States and I was not used to the culture of asking to play a pick-up game. I tried to ask one of the Americans but they just laughed at me saying I should go play badminton or something.

Of course, I know that not all Americans are like that but that experience affected my anxiety that I got scared of taking the first step for many things. That feeling of being laughed at or looked down stuck with me for a long time.

Acknowledge All These Feelings and Own Them

I accepted myself. I acknowledged that I have all these feelings inside of me and they are all mine. This is not easy to do. The ego is always there.

Remember that time I was laughed at for asking to play basketball? I asked again the next day to a different group of people and they eagerly accepted.

What I learned is that I have no control over things outside of my control. Sounds obvious but it takes experiencing it to know. Some will work out, some will not.

There is always an element of luck involved in everything we do. But it is more important to acknowledge how we feel about it and own those feelings.

The Worst is I Fail, The Best is I Tried and Learned

It took a while for me to get this mindset down. I didn’t immediately plunge myself into everything hard outside of my comfort zone.

For myPF, I wrote a few articles first before applying. Then, I gave them to my wife and friends to have a look and critique. I asked them to be as brutal as possible.

Some of the articles weren’t good hence technically I failed. The failures were small so there wasn’t any direct impact on anything. But the feelings of fear of failure were still there.

After a while, I sort of got used to it if that makes sense. I found that it was easier to find the next thing to work on through failure. The hard part was when the article didn’t have any comment hence I was a bit lost on what to do next.

Conclusion

Until today, it still is very hard to take the first steps in trying out new things outside of my comfort zone. But it is much easier when compared to when I first started. For me, it was the big ego that I had (which I continued to have) and the fear of failing that made it hard.

However, once I acknowledged and owned up to all my feelings, it got easier. That enabled me to keep a level head and calm my anxiety to face my problems. From there, it is just a matter of trying and learning from every failure and mistake I make.