From enthusiasm to burnout, my experiences and actions will shape me for who I am.

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I am going to be honest. I didn’t end the year quite well. I was burned out and frustrated. Months of writing, and trying to create the best-ever articles and content took its toll on me. I didn’t rest well enough, and my headspace was somewhere dark. Even starting the year 2024, I still feel about the same. I feel like I have something to prove. And I am working even harder.

I Took the Plunge

That could be my mistake. I have that feeling. Despite that, I wanted to take an objective look at myself in 2023 and accept that all of these are part of life. The first thing if I look back years later, is the courage that it took me to take that plunge in August 2023. I quit my job. I committed myself to a writing career, where I found corporate life increasingly a delusion to myself. I was working for something that I didn’t feel any value attached to it. It was just money. I had great colleagues and that was the reason why I stayed so long in corporate.

I was already writing before then, but I was afraid. Afraid of failing. What if this doesn’t work out? What if I wasted my time working on a writing career? What if I made a fool of myself? Those were my biggest fears. And they have kept me from trying before that. They have kept me in a safe bubble. One that eventually turned into a prison the more I stayed in it. Hence, I decided to break out from it and dive head-first into the unknown.

I Earn Every Cent and Dollar

And I felt the full brunt of a life lived in self-employment. The constant worrying about whether I am doing the best I can. I feel like an imposter every time. And there’s not much money, to be honest. I am just barely making more than minimum wage. I am now responsible for every cent and dollar I am making from my effort. And it gave me a new perspective on things. I do feel it’s much more straightforward to just work for a salary from a company. It’s simpler. You go to work, do your job and leave. Yes, you deal with bosses and managers, but you just tune them out.

Everything is On Me

But for self-employment. Man, it feels like everything is on you. Finding clients is hard. Satisfying them even harder. You work your ass off, only to get a notification that the client has ended the contract for someone else. You handle all your administration-related things, like scheduling for social media and making sure the articles and content are in the right format and colours. It has not been easy. I would argue, it’s even harder than working for someone else.

But I would have it no other way. I gained a sense of vigour. And purpose. It keeps me on my toes. It gives me renewed energy every morning. To keep persevering even when things seem grim. I would trade this freedom to forge a path of my own for nothing in this world.