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I gobbled down a plate of stir-fried noodles or more aptly named in the Malaysian context, Char Kuey Teow. Oily, smokey, and most importantly, delicious, there was no substitute for such a common delicacy, as I sipped slowly the tea with milk.

My wife, beside me, methodically ate her chicken noodle soup, periodically complaining about the distinct gamey smell characteristic of cheap chicken. I took a bite of hers and remarked that this had always been how it tasted like. She snorted at me, being a Sarawakian with ready access to fresh chicken, since her family rears them in the backyard back in Miri, Sarawak.

At this moment, I felt serene. Time moved slowly, as I sat cross-legged, listening to my wife and the surrounding chatter of the Chinese coffee shop. Nothing seemed to be troubling since I left corporate, and the rat race to ever wanting more. I only make about 30% to 40% of my corporate salary, working on freelance writing and creating my own company. In return, I regained my physical and mental health, and I have never been happier.

But somehow or rather, my thoughts were interrupted by a sudden uneasy feeling. A feeling that things aren’t what it seems, and things are going wrong. It isn’t easy to describe but it is there. If you have experienced something like this, let me describe exactly how it felt to me, my thoughts and why we need to embrace it. And if you have ever felt at peace, this will also help you to keep these thoughts away.

Things Feel Well, So I Must Not Be Doing Enough

For some reason, this was the core of what I was feeling. I was at peace, but because I drew very strict lines between work and personal life. I committed to only 7 hours of work a day. In the morning, I will work for 4 hours starting from 7 am to 12 pm. I will stop at 9 am to exercise and do house chores for an hour.

After that, it is strict lunchtime, where I will cook for my wife, who works a regular job. And then, I work out for another 30 minutes and get some downtime for another 30 minutes. At 2 pm, I will restart my work, and go on for another 3 hours till 5 pm. After that, it’s family and personal time till 9 pm, when I will read a book and talk to my wife and go to bed at 10 pm.

I didn’t have this strict routine for the first few months when I quit my day job and my whole working career. My thoughts revolved around, “Hey man, you are too comfortable and at ease. You need to be doing more. Much more. The more you do, the faster you will achieve your goals.”

I think this is the result of many years of programming and I need to be constantly working on something. It feels like my mind wants to be in a constant state of anxiety and urgency. If I am not busting my butt off, I am not progressing in life. It felt suffocating.

And this line of thought is what crept in during my time of peace. The mind is not used to peace of mind, hence it’s telling the body that something is amiss.

The sea is too calm. And a foreboding sense of dread creeps through. And it is a tendency that I have had for a long time. I tell myself this is a result of my efforts and I should embrace it.

The Reasons Why I Should Not Let These Thoughts Control Me Anymore

There are a lot of lifestyle changes that I have made. And it’s ever-evolving. When I first started working, I was working 24/7, answering emails at 3.30 am. I wore it like a badge of honour, as most people there treated it as such. The more you work, the more you will get ahead in your career.

After 1 year, I was severely obese, weighing 100kg. Mentally, I was tired and burned out. I quit and took a golden opportunity to be an economist, my dream job. I didn’t work 24/7 but I worked 18/7. I was up late at night working, worried that I might be squandering my opportunities away. I adjusted my diet to lose weight and I did, but I was still very obese.

Before I knew it, I encountered severe episodes of panic attacks. I felt like I was throwing my life away by not working hard enough. But at the same time, I was overworking and my bad habit of stress-eating was getting out of hand. I decided to give up my dream job to re-evaluate my priorities.

From there, I slowly introduce some changes to my lifestyle and priorities to ensure that I live a healthy and balanced life. First, I took on freelance jobs to open up pathways where I could have flexibility in working. I did them extensively when I was taking my Masters in Economics.

And when I was done, I found a job with a place that didn’t have a high level of working commitment. I could leave on time as I finished most of my work in the morning. And in the afternoon, I worked on my side jobs.

The thing is I was also doing most of my side jobs in my off-hours (after 5 pm), and I often find myself working till late at night. After 2 years of working like this, I decided to take a leap and go on my own. I built up Slice of P.I.E. and wrote freelance for other companies full-time.

Truth be told, I haven’t achieved much success even after 4 months of working with this new arrangement. But you know what really worked well for me?

• My physical health is at its best

Almost two hours of physical exercise every day, and for 6 days a week. I would never have done this when I was working in corporate. I was just so tired when I got back, and I barely put in about 20 minutes then. Now, I am building muscles, and feeling fit for the first time in a very long time.

• My mental health is at its best

This came from the physical exercise I had. Don’t let this fool you. Physical exercise helps a lot. There’s just something calming from breaking a sweat. These days, I even get the runner’s high and I hate running.

• I spend more time with my wife and family

Because I have flexibility, I can help both my wife and family with whatever needs to be done. My wife works both from home and in the office. When she goes to the office, I do the chores around the house and cook for her. My dad is disabled as he suffered from a major stroke almost a decade ago. I help my mum take care of him 2 to 3 times a week and take care of her groceries and chores.

I have achieved more than what I wanted for my life in just 4 months. I never felt satisfied working long hours and dealing with the corporate BS. But in the past 4 months, I felt like a new person, and dare I say, enlightened.

Why We Need to Embrace Being At Peace

Screw that feeling of inadequacy. Screw feeling like you are not doing enough every day.

To me, those are the results of working in corporate for far too long and losing sight of who you are and what you value in life. At the end of the day, the people that matter are your family, friends and your physical and mental health.

I don’t want to measure myself against how high I got on the corporate ladder, because in the end, I will just be kicked away when I have no value to the company. And they will do it mercilessly and without compassion. That’s what I saw in the old people in all the companies I worked for.

When you have done something for yourself, family and friends, don’t feel bad. Embrace the sense of peace that you get from it. From time to time, you might get that imposter syndrome that everything is too smooth or peaceful. Enjoy it rather than question it.

I think this has something to do with ageing. My wife always says I think and act like an old uncle. Maybe she’s right. What am I saying? The wife’s always right (Men, this advice will be the most important!). I prefer to just sit at a coffee shop, work on my things, read up on the news, and enjoy my cup of coffee. To me, that is a sense of peace.

And I am happy and content with what I have. You check whether your bowl has enough, not how much the other bowls have.